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Second Sleigh, The
Song, Musical Theater (2013), from The Second Sleigh
This recording:

From the original cast recording.

Santa: Mike Mann
Belle: Renae Lewis
Tinkle: Phil Skretvedt
Piano: Rick Prescott

 Buy this recording (MP3) $0.99 

(The music comes down to a single persistent note.

 

BELLE (head elf in the workshop), SANTA, and all the other ELVES are gathered at center stage, as if around a conference table. TINKLE (elf, temporary worker, clutz) hovers in the background, wanting to be involved, but not invited)

 

    SANTA

So let me get this straight. The sleigh is not big enough for all the toys.

 

    BELLE

Well, technically, the toys are too big for the sleigh.

 

    SANTA

But how can that be?

 

    BELLE

Simple math. Lots more children. Bigger toys.

 

    SANTA

But we've never had this happen before.

 

    BELLE

Santa, we all knew this day would come. There are more children than ever, they are behaving better and better, and the toys just keep getting bigger and bigger.

 

    SANTA

Hmm. That is quite a problem. So, what's the solution?

 

    (The music stops)

 

    BELLE

No, no. Don't think of it as a PROBLEM. Think of it as an OPPORTUNITY.

 

    SANTA

    (Pointedly)

I don't see how that helps. WHAT do we DO?

 

    BELLE

THAT'S why I've called this meeting.

    (Music restarts)

You're all here to help figure out what to do. Brainstorming 101. No idea is too crazy. And no one will criticize anything you suggest. There are just a few things to keep in mind.

 

(HOLLY turns over a page on the easel, revealing a schematic of the current sleigh.)

 

    BELLE (continued)

    (Singing)

NOW THE

FIRST THING IS TO MAKE SURE THAT THE

AIRFLOW DOESN'T GET DISRUPTED

OTHERWISE DELIVERY OF

PRESENTS WILL BE INTERRUPTED

NEXT IS TO MAKE SURE ACCESSI-

BILITY IS OPTIMAL

OR THE WHOLE ENDEAVOR MAY WIND

UP AS SOMETHING COMICAL

 

SO FAR, SO GOOD?

SO FAR, SO GOOD?

SO FAR, SO GOOD?

 

    ALL

SO FAR, SO GOOD!

SO FAR, SO GOOD!

SO FAR, SO GOOD!

 

    BELLE

OK, who's got the first idea?

 

(ALL squirm. Some start to speak then stop. Eventually, the music stops)

 

Alright, I'll go first.

 

(We see a large and intricate drawing of her scheme #1: Some sort of topper/expander which makes the sleigh look like an overgrown Airstream trailer with both reindeer and a jet engine attached. There is an indication that reindeer eat carrots, and the jet engine requires diesel fuel)

 

NOW MY

FIRST IDEA IS TO SIMPLY

ADD TO WHAT WE HAVE RIGHT NOW

BUILD A STREAMLINED TOPPER HIGH AS

REGULATIONS WILL ALLOW

AS FOR ALL THE EXTRA WEIGHT, WE'LL

LIKELY NEED TO ADD A TURBINE

WHICH MAKES COMPLICATIONS IF THE

DIFFERENT FUELS SHOULD INTERTWINE

    (Speaking)

Carrots...and diesel. No?

    (The ELVES sit stone-faced)

THAT ONE'S NO GOOD

THAT ONE'S NO GOOD

THAT ONE'S NO GOOD

 

    ALL

THAT ONE'S NO GOOD

THAT ONE'S NO GOOD

THAT ONE'S NO GOOD

 

    (TINKLE emerges from the background)

 

    TINKLE

WHY NOT TAKE A SECOND SLEIGH?

 

    SANTA

    (Speaking)

What's that now?

 

    TINKLE

    (Singing)

WHY NOT TAKE A SECOND SLEIGH?

 

    BELLE

WHO LET HIM IN?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

THERE'S NO SUCH THING

 

I'VE BEEN AROUND

FOR MANY YEARS

THERE'S NO SUCH THING

 

    TINKLE

    (Speaking)

Hey, I thought you said no idea was too crazy, that anyone could say--

 

    BELLE

    (Interrupting)

I may have overstated that a bit. Now, who else has something?

 

(The ELVES all look at one another. TINKLE slinks down a bit)

 

OK, then, I've got another.

 

(HOLLY flips over another page on the easel, revealing her scheme #2: Something like the Mars explorer sky crane, dropping batches of presents by parachute from a space platform to predetermined locations for later pick-up by the team.)

 

    BELLE (continued)

    (Singing)

WELL I

GOT TO THINKING HOW A ROVER

PARACHUTED ONTO MARS

WE COULD BUILD A STAGING PLATFORM

HOVERING AMONG THE STARS

THIS REQUIRES ROCKETS MADE WITH

HIGH PRECISION MEASUREMENTS

AND WE'LL NEED PERMISSION FROM A

HALF A DOZEN GOVERNMENTS

 

(BELLE pauses for reaction. ALL are somewhat skeptical, but afraid to be too critical)

 

    TINKLE

WHY NOT TAKE A SECOND SLEIGH?

 

    SANTA

I'M INTRIGUED BY WHAT YOU SAY

 

    TINKLE

I JUST SAW ONE ON MY WAY

BURIED OUT IN THE SNOW

QUITE A BEAUTY I MUST SAY

THOUGH IT'S RUSTY I KNOW

 

    BELLE

OH, THAT OLD THING

IT WOULDN'T WORK

LET'S MOVE ALONG

 

THANKS FOR THE THOUGHT

BUT LET'S GET REAL

WE'RE MOVING ON

    HOLLY

    (Aside, to TINKLE)

That's Santa's OLD sleigh. It was decommissioned years ago. It's not even air-worthy anymore.

 

    SANTA

Now, wait a minute.

    (Singing)

I REMEMBER THAT OLD SLEIGH

IT'S BEEN FORTY-NINE YEARS

POLISHED BRASS AND VELVET FITTINGS

GIANT FINS ON THE REAR

JINGLE BELLS WITH THE TONE OF ANGELS

HEATED MATS ON THE FLOOR

I WOULD SAY THEY SURE DON'T MAKE THEM

QUITE LIKE THAT ANYMORE

 

(SANTA is lost in his memories, and does not acknowledge the following exchange)

 

    BELLE

IT'S FULL OF RUST

IT'S BEEN RETIRED

IT DOESN'T FLY

 

LET'S NOT DISCUSS

OR GET ALL MIRED

IN DAYS GONE BY

 

    TINKLE

But, Belle, I could--

 

    BELLE

NOT. AN. OPTION. Give someone else a chance. Anyone? No? OK, I've got more.

 

(HOLLY turns another page on the easel to reveal her scheme #3: Bending the laws of physics.

 

    BELLE (continued)

    (Singing)

NOW WE

TEND TO THINK THE LAWS OF PHYSICS

MUST BE FOLLOWED EVERY MINUTE

BUT WITH SOME IMAGINATION

THERE ARE OPTIONS FOUND WITHIN IT

TRAVELING IN TIME OR MAYBE

HARNESSING SOME ANTIMATTER

MIGHT JUST MAKE IT POSSIBLE TO

MAKE THE TASK GO SO MUCH FASTER

    (Stunned silence)

No? I've got plenty more ideas.

 

(HOLLY starts to turn another page on the easel)

 

    ALL

No!

 

    SANTA

Belle, I think we need to listen to this young elf.

 

    BELLE

You mean, take the old sleigh? It's impossible.

 

    SANTA

Nothing's impossible when it comes to Christmas.

 

    BELLE

But there are just too many problems we'd have to solve.

 

    SANTA

Don't think of them as PROBLEMS. Think of them as OPPORTUNITIES.

 

    BELLE

    (Coolly, as if outmaneuvered)

Touche', Santa. But before you try something so crazy and untested, there are a few things you should consider.

 

    BELLE and TINKLE and SANTA

    (singing simultaneously)

 

[     BELLE

[ WELL, WE'D

[ NEED TO THINK OF

[ ALL THE THINGS THAT

[ HAVE TO BE BROUGHT

[ UP TO CODE

[ STRUCTURALLY

[ BEEF IT UP SO

[ IT CAN TAKE A

[ MODERN LOAD

[

[     TINKLE

[ WHY NOT TAKE

[ THE SECOND SLEIGH

[

[     SANTA

[ BOY I SURE DID

[ LOVE THAT SLEIGH

[ IT HAD BEEN

[ CUSTOM BUILT

 

[     BELLE

[ DON'T FORGET THAT

[ SOMEONE HAS TO

[ PULL IT THROUGH

[ THE ATMOSPHERE

[ WHERE DO YOU THINK

[ WE CAN FIND A-

[ NOTHER SET OF

[ FLYING DEER

[

[     TINKLE

[ I COULD GET

[ A START TODAY

[

[     SANTA

[ MAHOGANY AND

[ PEARL INLAY

[ SHE WAS DRESSED

[ TO THE HILT

 

[     BELLE

[ WHAT ABOUT THE

[ RUST? WE'LL HAVE TO

[ SCRAPE AND POLISH

[ IT FOR WEEKS

[ NOW DISCARDED

[ ALL THESE YEARS THE

[ ROTTED FABRIC

[ SURELY REEKS

[

[     TINKLE

[ LET ME FIX

[ IT UP JUST RIGHT

[

[     SANTA

[ AND THE FLYING

[ WAS A CINCH

[ ONCE I BUILT

[ UP MY SKILL

 

[     BELLE

[ EVEN IF WE

[ GOT IT WORKING

[ CAN IT REALLY

[ DO THE TASK

[ SINCE YOU THINK IT

[ MIGHT BE WORTH IT

[ I JUST HAVE TO

[ ASK

[

[     TINKLE

[ FOR THAT VERY

[ SPECIAL NIGHT

[

[     SANTA

[ IF NOT FOR THAT

[ RUSTY HITCH

[ I'D BE FLYING

[ IT STILL

 

    BELLE

SO ARE YOU SURE?

 

    SANTA

I THINK I'M SURE

 

    TINKLE

I THINK HE'S SURE

 

    BELLE

YOU'RE REALLY SURE?

 

    SANTA

I'M REALLY SURE

 

    TINKLE

HE'S REALLY SURE

 

    BELLE and TINKLE and SANTA

SO WE'LL TAKE THE SECOND SLEIGH!

Lyrics and Music by Lowell Prescott
Copyright © & Ⓟ 2013 Lowell H. Prescott. All Rights Reserved. Used by permission.